Feeling Like a Loser | Career Angles

I remember the workshop I was helping with. At this point, 20 years have passed. There is a process going on that I would normally facilitate but I needed help. I had no feeling or touch with the events that were going on in front of me. I needed to be rescued and Ron did.

I felt deeply wounded by my “incompetence.” After all, I was supposed to assist with leading this training. I needed help and that judgment of myself of being a loser was a self-inflicted wound. No one knew it but me. Everyone judged my work as being effective and powerful.

In looking back, it was my Antonio Salieri moment. If you’ve never seen the play or the movie, “Amadeus,” Salieri is the composer at court during the time of Mozart. Salieri has everything a composer could want except God had betrayed him and given Mozart the one thing that Salieri craved more than anything — talent.

Salieri went out of his way to sabotage Mozart in the play. I did no such thing. At that moment, I didn’t believe I had the talent that Ron and others did and it hurt.

In retrospect, it was a lie that I told myself for a while that slowed me down and kept me firm stepping more richly into who I was in my magnificence. It was a form of self-sabotage that I do from time to time when I am less-than-perfect.